I asked people what made them afraid and these were some of the answers:
- Change. I am friends with my vices and losing them scares me.
- People will judge me for showing up and promoting my business on Instagram
- Failure
- Being a fraud
- Not being good enough
- Wasting time
- Fear of not trying
- Not being accepted
- Not being liked
If you were friends with someone and they came to you with these fears about a dream that they had, what would you say to them?
In my view, there are two different types of fear: rational fear and conditioned fear.
Rational fear is essential to life. It is what stops us from eating poisonous food, steering clear of a bear in the woods, not wandering the “sketchy” part of town at three in the morning.
Conditioned fear (often called irrational fear, but I’m not a fan of this word) is something that is placed in us as a belief system. These systems stem mostly from childhood, things that we have been told over and over that challenge the way we live our lives, and then become like second nature. Not like second nature…they become our nature.
The chicken in the fridge has gone bad, so I shouldn’t eat it because I don’t want to get sick.
I can’t paint, in school I always had bad grades in art.
I think it’s pretty apparent which of the statements above fit into which category of fear.
When we allow those conditioned fears to take over, a few things happen.
First, we get small. Picture a child, full of joy and wonder. They paint a picture for the first time and they are so excited to show you their creation, they put so much work into exploring all the different colours and shapes. In their mind, this creation is the best thing they’ve ever seen, it’s amazing! (Can you feel the excitement?) Their face lights up with the joy that comes from having created something so beautiful. All they want to do is share it with you, the person whose opinion they value, who they trust the most in this world. But, you scrunch up your face, “But, what is it? Did you have to make the colours all mushy? You wasted so much paint!” What happens to the child? The joy immediately disappears. Their face drops. As do their shoulders.
Either the kid won’t ever want to paint again, or they’ll only paint things they think you want to see. They lose a part of themselves. That initial joy and excitement will never be the same. They will become cautious and fearful over time as this continues to happen, and this feeling is continually reinforced.
Second, we become self-focused and cut off from the world. When we allow our fears to hold a place in our minds, we stay away from the things that cause the fear. If you’re afraid of your family’s reaction to something, you avoid your family. If you’re afraid of failure at an endeavour, you avoid it. If you’re afraid of spiders (hi!!!) you avoid places that spiders tend to hang out (my basement…).
Imagine all the things that you have missed because of these conditioned responses!
Now, back to the child. That feeling that they had when they were creating, was a beautiful feeling. It was felt in their heart, and radiated outwards. It’s the lava that courses through your veins, and the warmth that makes your heart feel bigger than your body. But then the mind comes into the equation and reminds us of the upset, of the hurt, of the outcome. And you push it away.
The mind can tell us so many things, good or bad; but most of these thoughts don’t even belong to us! They are conditioned responses. These core beliefs that shape us were formed in childhood. The voice that reminds us of these beliefs isn’t ours. The voice that is ours is that original voice urging us to create. Urging us to try. To jump in the puddle. To climb the tree. To see the world. Our conditioning tells us not to get messy, not to get scraped up, and to stay where it’s safe because that’s where nothing bad happens.
Our heart tells us to go for it! Our intuition. Our instincts. But our mind fights us and reminds us that last time it didn’t go well. It gives us all of the “what ifs”.
We have to remember that most of those voices aren’t ours!
Your truth, your voice, your Higher Self, who you were created to be, knows the difference between the heart and the mind. Between the rational and the conditioned. Between fear and caution.
So, when facing fear, you have two choices: believe the fear, or have faith.
When considering the fear, I want you to ask yourself some questions:
- Is this fear temporary? Will it fade if I face it? Or is it a real, rational fear?
- What are you placing your fear in?
I know that last question is a weird one, but if you turn it on its head and ask, What am I placing my faith in? it makes sense.
When you accept your fear (without befriending it) and move on, it becomes you. It controls you.
If you, alternatively, place your faith in yourself, you are believing in the outcome. You are believing in you! And it changes everything.
Do you believe that you are capable of living the dream that you have for yourself?
Take fear out of the equation. Imagine that dream, the big one, and imagine, in extreme detail, what your day to day would look like if that dream came true. Imagine what you would do, what you would look like, who you would become, and the possibilities that would stem from following that one dream.
Picture yourself ten years from now, twenty years from now, and so on. Are you happy? Are you sitting in your rocking chair and thinking about your young years and wishing you took the chance? Or are you looking back on your life and appreciating all the incredible things that you accomplished? Whether it “failed” or not. (We’re going to address failure in another post.)
Visualisation is an incredibly powerful tool. I have experienced it. I use it on a daily basis. I imagine my future (whether it’s tomorrow, or fifty years from now), and I create it.
You are capable of so much! You just have to believe in yourself. Find that dream that gets you out of bed in the morning. The one that lights your soul on fire. The one that makes you believe that you are going to change the world. Because I believe it. I believe that it’s in you, and that you’re capable of working for it.
Crooked Cedar Collective 